(no subject)

[joexnz]

Warm snuggles to all who responded to my failed resist melachony roll.
Alcohol, insecurity, mild annoyance and nine hours with a bunch of people i only work with all reduce my ability on that one.

I do get melancholic on occasion, just ask those in NZ who've read my lj since the start (nov 03 i think)
it passes, I know it goes away, or i'll get distracted
so it can't be that serious
I just get to feeling like I need to sing the blues sometimes (or listen to bad 80s fluff metal)

The description I gave ravenstew, is worth going into (mainly cause I really like it)

i'm just bumping edges at the moment
i'll get bruised, it'll hurt for a little while
and then i'll get used to the edges or change something.

the edges are the emotional limits of what I can deal with, memories that I haven't resolved (either won't or can't), ongoing situations that need a certain amount of emotional engery/spoonage to maintain at a mangeable state (couple of them at the moment). Sometimes I run out of energy, paitence or the urge not to go 'oh fuck what the hell' and the edges aren't were I left them last time.
boundaries in my life are changing, new people, new places, so the edges move and it and hurts when I hit them. I'm glad that I have people who notice when I do and want to help. That makes the fact there are edges much less important.

In general its just failing to recognise the good things in my life as consistently as the stupid little things that annoy me. Which is easy enough to do when you are using emotional engery in maintance and not celebration.

I've been here before, the brusies look familiar enough anyway. I'm not very good at waiting, but wait I must, this to will pass. Hopefully quietly without anyone noticing. Blaze of glory is all very if you are Kurgen, but its a bit of nuisance for the rest of us.

One of the problems is that I seem to have a nature-wierd, nuture-normal conflict and sometimes it feels like I end up falling down the middle. I adapted to KAOS due to 1-2 hours exposure a day, e-KAOS is taking me a little while longer to catch up on ideas and lingo. at the rate of 3 hours a week. But everyones quite happy to let me ask stupid questions, so its all good really.

Comments

[nickys.livejournal.com]

I liked the bit at the start of 'The Incredibles' where the superhero is being interviewed and he says something like: "You know, the trouble with saving the world is that five minutes later it's in peril again... I wish it would just stay saved for a while and give me a break."